I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
