Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
