dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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