I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
