I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
