Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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