I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
