I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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