After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
