where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got inside last night via doggy door
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
