there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
