I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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