I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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