Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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