Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
cat food counts as protein by the way
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
