i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
