Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
