shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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