a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
