if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
