fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
