And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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