these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We named our party play list daddy issues
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
