He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
