sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
