She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Did I show you my penis last night?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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