For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
