Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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