omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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