Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
