The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
