It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
