i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize