I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The Olympian is in my bed
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
