dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
