There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
