Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
