You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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