big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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