Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
