you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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