Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
