please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
