Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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