I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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