Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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