Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
