i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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