After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
