Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
