I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
