I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
