My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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