bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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