You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
