I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
