ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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