GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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