i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
