i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
