He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
