Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
