Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
